A leaf in the water...

There have been very few reasons to smile here lately. Very few. Yes the sun rises and sets, as the days tick by one second at a time. This year has been very difficult. Very difficult. Quite honestly, I am ready for 2015. I know it won't make things better, but I don't have much fight left in me any longer. Being strong isn't my forte and I'm really tired.

Last Thursday, my brother-in-law Joe was killed in a motorcycle accident. It wasn't his fault. He had a helmet on, the headlight was on his beloved Harley Davidson and someone made a fatal mistake when they pulled their SUV in front of him off a side road. Joe did everything in his power to avoid the collision, but he hit the front of the SUV. He suffered a massive head injury when his helmet came off. It was one he would not, could not survive. We waited for word at home from my sister and nephew as Joe was flown to a Pittsburgh trauma center. I will never forget the 3 words that she sent me... "He's brain dead." The pain that went through my heart was immediate and severe. This couldn't be happening. They were leaving tomorrow to go to a wedding in Chicago. Their wedding anniversary is Tuesday. There are so many things left undone. So many plans and dreams to fulfill. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

My sister has endured more than her share of sorrow and pain. My nephew Jason passed away almost 4 years ago. It devastated the family. She truly has never recovered from that loss. Now, her husband and soul mate is gone. Life is cruel. This has been a shock to everyone. Joe was a great guy... We didn't deserve another hit like this. It isn't fair. It isn't right.

I am angry. Someone with a complete disregard for anyone else killed my full of life brother-in-law. I want that person to remember until his last breath what he has done. I want him to know the pain we are all in. I want him to be in that kind of pain too. I want him to never have a good night's sleep ever again. I want him to see and feel what his moment of carelessness cost all of us. I don't want him to ever have another moment of joy in his life again. I also know my anger is wasted. I know that Joe wouldn't want revenge, hate or anger. He was a "take life as it came" kind of guy.

My sister and Joe had love... lots of love. Although they didn't agree all the time, they always made it work. Just like other married couples, they had disagreements, but always figured it out. I know what love is. It is many things. It is Sue and Joe. They had been together since before high school. They were soul mates... completely and utterly meant for each other. I was honored and privileged to witness their love and devotion to each other over the years.

Joe touched many lives, like a leaf in the water, the ripple effect is wide. As a firefighter/EMT for 35 years, as a friend, nephew, cousin, brother-in-law, son-in-law, brother, son, father and husband, his loss is far reaching. I can only hope that there are more men like Joe... and I can only hope to be more like him. That is the reason to smile.

RIP Joseph Michael Muller... We will love and miss you forever.